Questions to ask before marriage
Whether your marriage is arranged or love, the happiest couples usually talked about the hard things before the wedding, not after. Here are the questions that matter, grouped by topic.
How to ask
These are not for one sitting - spread them over several conversations, and answer them yourself too. Ask openly ("how do you see...?") rather than testing for a right answer. What you are looking for is not identical views, but honesty and a willingness to work things out.
Life and where you will live
- Where do you see us living - which city, and for how long?
- Would you move for my career, or for yours?
- Do you want to live with your parents, near them, or on our own?
- What does a normal weekday look like for you? A weekend?
- Where do you see yourself in five years? In fifteen?
Career and work
- How important is your career to you right now?
- How do you feel about my working - full time, after children, in another city?
- Are you planning further study, a change of job, or a business?
- How many hours do you usually work? Do you travel a lot?
Money
- Do you have any loans or financial commitments?
- How do you like to manage money - joint account, separate, a mix?
- Do you support your parents or siblings financially? Will that continue?
- Are you a saver or a spender? What do you most like to spend on?
- What would we do if one of us lost their job?
Family
- How involved are your parents in your decisions?
- What role do you expect my family and yours to play in our life?
- What do your parents expect from their son's or daughter's spouse?
- How do you handle a disagreement with your parents?
- Who will look after our parents as they get older?
Children
- Do you want children? How many, and when?
- How would we share childcare and housework?
- How were you raised - and what would you do the same or differently?
- What would we do if we had difficulty having children?
Faith, festivals and food
- How important is religion in your daily life?
- Which festivals and rituals matter most to you?
- Are you vegetarian? Would you expect me or our home to be?
- How would we raise our children in terms of faith?
Habits and health
- Do you smoke or drink? How often?
- Are there any health conditions I should know about?
- How do you relax? What do you do when you are stressed?
- Are you a morning person or a night person?
- What are your friendships like - how much time do you spend with friends?
The relationship itself
- What does a good marriage look like to you? Whose marriage do you admire?
- How do you handle anger or disagreement?
- How do you show care - and how do you like to receive it?
- What does respect mean to you in a marriage?
- How should we make big decisions?
- Have you been in a serious relationship or engagement before?
- Is there anything you would want me to know before we decide?
- Why do you want to get married - and why now?
Things nobody should ask for
A dowry, gifts or a "fixed amount" in any form - asking is a crime in India (see our dowry guide). And no genuine match will ask you for money, bank details or OTPs before marriage (see our safety guide).
On MilanKnot
Once both sides accept an interest, you can chat and make voice or video calls inside the app without sharing phone numbers - so you can have these conversations at your own pace, and share numbers only when you are both ready.
Questions families ask
What should I ask in an arranged marriage meeting?
Start with daily life, work and where you each want to live; in later conversations, move on to money, family roles, children and faith. Spread the questions over several meetings.
Is it okay to ask about money and loans before marriage?
Yes. Loans, financial support for family and how you will manage money are important, and asked respectfully they are normal questions.
How many times should we meet before deciding?
There is no fixed number, but most couples talk over several weeks or months - enough to have covered the big topics honestly.